Dog Poems & Prose,
Humorous #1
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take out it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong.
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor, if you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics,
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
-- Author Unknown
30 Reasons Why It's Nice to be a Dog
(1) No one expects you to take a bath every day.
(2) Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything
else for that matter.
(3) When it's raining, you can lie around the house all day and never
worry about being fired.
(4) If it itches, you can reach it.
(5) And, no matter what itches, no one is offended if you scratch it in
public.
(6) It doesn't bother you if your favorite television show is a rerun.
(7) You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you're insensitive.
(8) April 15th means nothing to you.
(9) People at drive-through windows never charge you for treats.
(10) Your friends don't think less of you for passing gas.
(11) A rawhide bone can entertain you for hours.
(12) No one gets mad if you fall asleep while they're talking.
(13) As an adult, it's okay if you haven't amounted to anything.
(14) The older you get, the more people respect you.
(15) You can sleep late every day.
(16) If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.
(17) You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger's lap
(18) There's no such thing as bad food.
(19) You don't have to worry about good table manners.
(20) Someone else combs your hair.
(21) People think you're normal if you stick your head out the window to
feel the wind in your hair.
(22) You're always excited to see the same old people.
(23) Having big feet is considered an asset.
(24) If you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.
(25) Everything smells good to you.
(26) A garbage can is a fast-food stop.
(27) No one tells you to wipe your nose because it's wet.
(28) No matter where you live, you own the place.
(29) Your mate never complains because you whine.
(30) Puppy love can last.
-- Author Unknown
The Puppy Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep...
I sleep right in the center groove
My human being can hardly move!
I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"
I sneak up slowly to begin
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly,
I have sharp teeth -
I'm a puppy, don't you see?
For the morning's here
And it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs and holds me tight
And shares her bed with me at night!
-- Author Unknown
Why own a dog? There's a danger you know, You can't own just one, for the craving will grow. There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger. While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.
One dog is no trouble, and two are so funny. The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey. The fifth one delightful, the sixth one's a breeze, You find you can live with a houseful with ease.
So how 'bout another? Would you really dare? They're really quite easy but oh, Lord the hair! With dogs on the sofa and dogs on the bed, And crates in the kitchen, it's no bother you've said. They're really no trouble, their manners are great. What's just one more dog and just one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty, The floor is all footprints, the furniture dusty. The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care? Who minds a few nose prints and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room, And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom. There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add, The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny. The vet, the food bill grows larger, you owe money. Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay, Except other dog folks, who all live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too, But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew. There's dog food and vitamins, training and shots. And entries and travel and motels which cost lots. Is it worth it, you wonder? Are you caught in a trap? Then that favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap. His look says you're special and you know that you will Keep all of the critters in spite of the bill.
Some just for showing and some just to breed. And some just for loving, they all fill a need. But winter's a hassle, the dogs hate it too. But they must have their walks though they're numb and you're blue. Late evening is awful, you scream and you shout At the dogs on the sofa who refuse to go out.
The dogs and the dog shows, the travel, the thrills, The work and the worry, the pressure, the bills. The whole thing seems worth it, the dogs are your life. They're charming and funny and offset the strife. Your life-style has changed. Things won't be the same. Yes, those dogs are addictive and so is the dog game!!
-- Author Unknown
Dog Mixes
If you cross a Maltese with any other breed, it's a Maltese Cross
Bull Terrier x Shitzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed
Pointer x Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier x Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
Great Pyrenees x Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese x Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel x English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever x Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland x Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisers
Terrier x Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound x Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, owned by...oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie x Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound x Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Collie + Lhasa Apso: Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow: Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Bloodhound + Borzoi: Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun
Bull Terrier + Shitzu: Maybe we shouldn't go there!